It's 2 days until Christmas 2009. This year has been particularly hard to get into the spirit of Christmas for a number of reasons.
The first is that your Dad took a job that requires him to live 3hrs away from me for 5 days a week - he only comes home on the weekends. That has left me quite sad and lonely, we have not been apart that much since the day we met.
Secondly, your Aunt H went back into the hospital on the 21st due to complications from her surgery she had in October. I may go down and visit her later today but I have to talk to my boss first.
And the last reason that it doesn't really feel like Christmas is because you are not here. Christmas is a time for children, it's magical. I can't wait to recreate the same magic for you that Grandma and Papa made for me when I was little. I have been trying to keep away from the displays of Christmas ornaments so that I don't linger over the Babies First Christmas ones.
I miss you terribly and I don't even know you yet. In fact, we haven't even started trying to conceive you yet. In my perfect world, you would be here by now... you would have cute little Christmas sleepers and your grandparents would spoil you to death in 2 days. But, the world is not perfect, and although my heart aches when I have to think about waiting for you any longer, it is the right thing to do.
Your Dad wants the world for you, and right now we can't give it to you. Your Dad has been very sick for the last couple of years and we have been working at getting him healthy enough that he can help look after you. There is also so much that he wants you to be able to do and experience in this world and for that reason, we are working on saving some money so that you can participate in anything you want to do. I am very hopeful that early in the new year we will be in a better position to start trying to make you.
In 2009 the world economy has been really bad and many, many people have lost their jobs, including your Grandpa, which is why your Dad had to work so far away. Everyone has high hopes that the recession is over and companies will start to hire new staff in the new year. Dad and I have our fingers and toes crossed that he can find a new job and come home.
We have decided that we will start to try and conceive you in February, hoping that he will find a job soon. Your Dad doesn't want to miss out on any part of your life, even if you are still inside me. He wants to be there for us through the morning sickness and weird food cravings. he wants to be able to run to the store for us at 3 am when I have a sudden craving ketchup chips or bubble-gum ice cream. It is with love in his heart that he is asking to wait and I am trying to oblige, but every month it gets harder and harder.
We both already love you so very much. Happy Christmas 2009 little one, hope to meet you in 2010.
Love,
Mom
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Taking the first steps
So far in trying to prepare my self for the ultimate physical challenge of growing another human inside me I have started exercising on the treadmill, taking prenatal vitamins, charting, and I've read "The Mother of All Pregnancy Books". I've also been doing online reading at various blogs and other health resources like iparenting and webmd.
The one thing that many of these reqources have told be was to book a 'preconception' appointment with my physician. Everyone who reccommended this appointment had also been sure to mention that until recently, any Dr. would have looked at you like you had 6 heads if you had requested this type of visit, but that now it was the norm. I was a little skeptical to call and request a 'preconception' appointment, so I wasglad that I was over due for my annual physical. I figured that during that visit I could mention that we are planning a family and if he had any concerns they would be brought up then.
So that is exactly what I did, on Wednesday I went to the Dr's for my annual physical and PAP (tmi?). Anyways, we went over mine and family's medical histories and current midications and finally he asked if there was anything new that was concerning me.
"Well, in the new year, my husband and I would like to start trying to have a baby."
"What do you want from me? To tell you how it's done?"
So aparently it's not so common for people to go to their Dr. with only plans to become pregnant! The only advice he had for me was to start taking prenatals, which I have already started. I did convince him to run a check on my vaccinations just in case, so I guess something was accomplished during the visit.
The one thing that many of these reqources have told be was to book a 'preconception' appointment with my physician. Everyone who reccommended this appointment had also been sure to mention that until recently, any Dr. would have looked at you like you had 6 heads if you had requested this type of visit, but that now it was the norm. I was a little skeptical to call and request a 'preconception' appointment, so I wasglad that I was over due for my annual physical. I figured that during that visit I could mention that we are planning a family and if he had any concerns they would be brought up then.
So that is exactly what I did, on Wednesday I went to the Dr's for my annual physical and PAP (tmi?). Anyways, we went over mine and family's medical histories and current midications and finally he asked if there was anything new that was concerning me.
"Well, in the new year, my husband and I would like to start trying to have a baby."
"What do you want from me? To tell you how it's done?"
So aparently it's not so common for people to go to their Dr. with only plans to become pregnant! The only advice he had for me was to start taking prenatals, which I have already started. I did convince him to run a check on my vaccinations just in case, so I guess something was accomplished during the visit.
Thursday, November 19, 2009
When I grow up
While planning my wedding I signed up for a multitude of different wedding planning websites, most of which were very helpful. I really liked one in particular because it was a Canadian site and it had a forum. Even though I didn't post much on the forum, see other people ask questions and the responses they were getting was really useful. The one problem I had with this site is that most of the active topics were about life after marriage, but now, I am following this forum even more than ever. When I am bored at work I find my self refreshing that page over and over and reading all of the wonderful experiences that other wives/mothers are going through. Most of the time, the topics hover around babies/toddlers/pregnancy, but every once in a while someone asks a question that really makes me stop and think. Today that question was "Do you really love what you do?"
D has been asking me quite a lot lately if I enjoy my work, because he feels guilty that his changing career paths has forced me to stay at this job for the health benefits and stability. I always answer him "I don't hate it, it will get me through until we have our family started". But today I find my self asking if that is enough.
Right now I have a job. Just a job. It is not a career. I am not challenged by it at all. There have been too many days where I only do about one hours worth of work and have to make up what I've done for the other 7 hours. For about one week out of the month I am busy for all 8 hrs, and I think there have only been a handful of days where my list of things to do has had to carry over to the next day. I enjoy working for this company, the people here are wonderful - a HUGE change from my last 2 jobs where my immediate supervisors had severe anger management issues. So in that sense, yes, I do enjoy my job.
But that question got me thinking... what DO I want to be when I grow up?
The long and short answer is... I have no freaking clue!
D has been asking me quite a lot lately if I enjoy my work, because he feels guilty that his changing career paths has forced me to stay at this job for the health benefits and stability. I always answer him "I don't hate it, it will get me through until we have our family started". But today I find my self asking if that is enough.
Right now I have a job. Just a job. It is not a career. I am not challenged by it at all. There have been too many days where I only do about one hours worth of work and have to make up what I've done for the other 7 hours. For about one week out of the month I am busy for all 8 hrs, and I think there have only been a handful of days where my list of things to do has had to carry over to the next day. I enjoy working for this company, the people here are wonderful - a HUGE change from my last 2 jobs where my immediate supervisors had severe anger management issues. So in that sense, yes, I do enjoy my job.
But that question got me thinking... what DO I want to be when I grow up?
The long and short answer is... I have no freaking clue!
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Multi-tasking to the n-th degree
It's 4:00, I'm at work and STARVING. The only think keeping me sane at the moment is knowing that while I'm working, I am also making dinner.
What? Didn't you hear? Someone invented a teleportation device so that I can transport back home, make dinner and still sit at my computer and appear to be working.
Don't believe me huh?
Actually, I am using my slow cooker for the first time today. Right now, at home, the crock pot is preparing a whole chicken with potatoes and carrots. It should be ready when I get home from work. I will let you know how it turns out.
For now, I will have to settle for snacking on saltines and PB.
What? Didn't you hear? Someone invented a teleportation device so that I can transport back home, make dinner and still sit at my computer and appear to be working.
Don't believe me huh?
Actually, I am using my slow cooker for the first time today. Right now, at home, the crock pot is preparing a whole chicken with potatoes and carrots. It should be ready when I get home from work. I will let you know how it turns out.
For now, I will have to settle for snacking on saltines and PB.
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Mass Exodus
Yesterday my sister was released from hospital! She is now at home and feeling much better every day. At home she is able to sleep through the night with a nurse in every few hours to take her vitals and her IV alarming at 4 am. The only downside is that the bed at home doesn't adjust which means that it's a little more difficult to sit up. Other than that, we are all happy that she is home.
Then this morning D was discharged from the hospital! While he hasn't been going every day for a while now, he has been going about every 5 days. This morning the nurses decided that they didn't need to see him at all any more. Excellent news! They sent him with some bandages that he can use change on his own. I hope that he won't have to keep a bandage on for long and that things can get back to normal.
Well, that's my good news for the weekend, hope yours is good too!
Then this morning D was discharged from the hospital! While he hasn't been going every day for a while now, he has been going about every 5 days. This morning the nurses decided that they didn't need to see him at all any more. Excellent news! They sent him with some bandages that he can use change on his own. I hope that he won't have to keep a bandage on for long and that things can get back to normal.
Well, that's my good news for the weekend, hope yours is good too!
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
Like beer goggles... only different
For the last few days babies have been everywhere. Or am I seeking them out? I don't know, but they are torturing me. For example, right now I'm watching Criminal Minds and this episode is about a couple who lost a child and is kidnapping women and forcing them to bear children for them.
Don't get me wrong, it's horrible, but there they are.
This cycle I have started charting my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) to try and get to know my cycle so that when the time comes I know exactly when my fertility window is and hopefully we can get pregnant right away. We still don't know exactly when that will be. If it were up to me, today. D however, says early next year. I am working on him, trying to get him to commit sooner because I just don't know if I can take it any more.
I think that if I could feel like I had some goal to meet (one that I had some control over) before we start trying, the waiting would be more bearable, but right now the only thing we are waiting on is for D to have a full time job. Neither of us have any control over that goal. With today's economy, we can't even say for sure that he will get one in the next 6 months. Fortunately, he has been offered another contract at the Ministry for the next 4 months.
Until we are ready, the only thing that I can focus on is trying to get my body in some sort of shape. Not Round (yes, it's a shape...). On that note, I bought a treadmill today! I just finished assembling it. That, in of its self was a work out, so I haven't started using it yet. Tomorrow I will I promise.
Now I am off to bed because being well rested is part of being healthy right?
Don't get me wrong, it's horrible, but there they are.
This cycle I have started charting my BBT (Basal Body Temperature) to try and get to know my cycle so that when the time comes I know exactly when my fertility window is and hopefully we can get pregnant right away. We still don't know exactly when that will be. If it were up to me, today. D however, says early next year. I am working on him, trying to get him to commit sooner because I just don't know if I can take it any more.
I think that if I could feel like I had some goal to meet (one that I had some control over) before we start trying, the waiting would be more bearable, but right now the only thing we are waiting on is for D to have a full time job. Neither of us have any control over that goal. With today's economy, we can't even say for sure that he will get one in the next 6 months. Fortunately, he has been offered another contract at the Ministry for the next 4 months.
Until we are ready, the only thing that I can focus on is trying to get my body in some sort of shape. Not Round (yes, it's a shape...). On that note, I bought a treadmill today! I just finished assembling it. That, in of its self was a work out, so I haven't started using it yet. Tomorrow I will I promise.
Now I am off to bed because being well rested is part of being healthy right?
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Are you there blog? It's me, Erin...
Dear Blog,
I know you have been feeling a little neglected lately. I have been off in my own world working hard at my job and not giving you the attention you deserve. The truth is, I have been quite reclusive from everything and everyone since the wedding. However, there has been a lot going on that I should probably write about because I always feel better when I get it out there and it's not all bottled up inside (which is my usual m.o. for dealing with shit).
1. The Wedding.
Only one word can sum it up... awesome! I had an absolute blast! There were a few hiccups through out the day, but I think I handled them well and I hope I wasn't anything that resembled a Bridezilla.
2. D's Health.
I started a post a little while back but was afraid to put it out to the world in case I jinxed his wonderful improvement. That's right, I think I might just about have back the man I fell in love with. While he only ended up being about 80% better at the time of the wedding, he is at about 95% now! There are still things that he will never be able to eat again, like onions, but his appetite and energy are finally back! He has stopped losing weight, and even gained some. At his 2nd Remicade infusion, he weighed 0.5lbs more than the first one; at the 3rd, he weighed even more. He goes for his 4th in a month and I hope that he is back up to his normal weight.
3. My Sister's Health.
She is sick. Very. Sick. She had her colon removed on Friday as a last resort attempt to get her life back. Unfortunately that means a good 6 weeks of recovery from this surgery, 6 months of living with a stoma and colostomy bag, and finally a 2nd surgery to create an internal bag and remove the stoma.
On Friday I stayed at work as long as I could but I wanted to be at the hospital when the surgeon came to speak to my parents. The surgery was scheduled for 9:30am, H went in at about 10:15 (I think); the surgery was to last approx. 4 hrs. When I showed up at 3 we still had not heard anything. The Dr. finally came out at 5pm, some 8 hrs later, and told us that they had to make the incision a little bigger than they had wanted, but the surgery went well and she was in recovery.
According to H recovery was bad, and since my mom wasn't back there to help, it just made it worse. When she woke up she said that she could hear them talking about a bigger incision and she threw up and started crying. It took a couple minutes, but when one of the nurses heard her crying they came back and talked to her and calmed her down. It must have been so scary for her to be back there without her family.
As they brought her to her room, one of the nurses came and got us from the waiting room and we all went up together. She seemed to be in good spirits for just coming out of surgery. She even managed to crack a joke about Dr.'s taking her ass away. That night was relatively uneventful because she was still on the epidural and therefore numb and pain free.
The next day, Saturday, they got her up and out of bed and sitting in a chair for a bit. When she went back to bed, she must have hit the epidural line, because she started to feel pain. A. Lot. Of. Pain. Since they hadn't planned to stop the epidural, they hadn't yet given her any other pain meds yet. From there, it seems to have spiraled downward. She was nauseous, in pain had a distended belly; they were even concerned that they would have to go back in at one point. Instead, they put a tube into her stomach and pumped out the excess bile. That seems to have helped out with the distention. They gave her morphine for the pain and some anti-nausea medication because they don't want her to throw up (that could cause damage to the stitches). Needless to say Saturday night was bad. My dad was with her until 2 am, and her fiancee stayed the night.
I don't have a whole lot of information about what happened after that. All I know is that they had her walking about 30 or 40 feet. I haven't had an update since.
4. Baby Fever.
It's back and stronger than ever. I found a new (to me) blog yesterday called "Baby Rabies; when it's more than a fever". So true. D and I have talked about it a bit since the wedding and I totally understand where he is coming from; now is not a logical time to start to try to have a baby. But there is nothing logical about wanting a baby! I mean really, when you think about, what is logical about wanting to do that to your self??? Hey I know, lets do something that will make me sick 24/7 for at least 3 months!! and I won't even be able to take anything for it" Ya, that sounds logical! And then, I can get really fat and uncomfortable for 6 months after that with symptoms that range from sausage toes to night sweats, from cramps to contraction, and totally stretch and permanently disfigure my body. Totally "logical". And the cherry on the top of this oh-so-appetizing-sundae? You guessed it! The worst pain anyone can ever feel in their life as a baby literally rips you apart as it enters the world that lasts for hours upon hours. Logical?? My ASS!
So that has been my last month in a nut shell. How have you been?
All my love,
Erin
I know you have been feeling a little neglected lately. I have been off in my own world working hard at my job and not giving you the attention you deserve. The truth is, I have been quite reclusive from everything and everyone since the wedding. However, there has been a lot going on that I should probably write about because I always feel better when I get it out there and it's not all bottled up inside (which is my usual m.o. for dealing with shit).
1. The Wedding.
Only one word can sum it up... awesome! I had an absolute blast! There were a few hiccups through out the day, but I think I handled them well and I hope I wasn't anything that resembled a Bridezilla.
2. D's Health.
I started a post a little while back but was afraid to put it out to the world in case I jinxed his wonderful improvement. That's right, I think I might just about have back the man I fell in love with. While he only ended up being about 80% better at the time of the wedding, he is at about 95% now! There are still things that he will never be able to eat again, like onions, but his appetite and energy are finally back! He has stopped losing weight, and even gained some. At his 2nd Remicade infusion, he weighed 0.5lbs more than the first one; at the 3rd, he weighed even more. He goes for his 4th in a month and I hope that he is back up to his normal weight.
3. My Sister's Health.
She is sick. Very. Sick. She had her colon removed on Friday as a last resort attempt to get her life back. Unfortunately that means a good 6 weeks of recovery from this surgery, 6 months of living with a stoma and colostomy bag, and finally a 2nd surgery to create an internal bag and remove the stoma.
On Friday I stayed at work as long as I could but I wanted to be at the hospital when the surgeon came to speak to my parents. The surgery was scheduled for 9:30am, H went in at about 10:15 (I think); the surgery was to last approx. 4 hrs. When I showed up at 3 we still had not heard anything. The Dr. finally came out at 5pm, some 8 hrs later, and told us that they had to make the incision a little bigger than they had wanted, but the surgery went well and she was in recovery.
According to H recovery was bad, and since my mom wasn't back there to help, it just made it worse. When she woke up she said that she could hear them talking about a bigger incision and she threw up and started crying. It took a couple minutes, but when one of the nurses heard her crying they came back and talked to her and calmed her down. It must have been so scary for her to be back there without her family.
As they brought her to her room, one of the nurses came and got us from the waiting room and we all went up together. She seemed to be in good spirits for just coming out of surgery. She even managed to crack a joke about Dr.'s taking her ass away. That night was relatively uneventful because she was still on the epidural and therefore numb and pain free.
The next day, Saturday, they got her up and out of bed and sitting in a chair for a bit. When she went back to bed, she must have hit the epidural line, because she started to feel pain. A. Lot. Of. Pain. Since they hadn't planned to stop the epidural, they hadn't yet given her any other pain meds yet. From there, it seems to have spiraled downward. She was nauseous, in pain had a distended belly; they were even concerned that they would have to go back in at one point. Instead, they put a tube into her stomach and pumped out the excess bile. That seems to have helped out with the distention. They gave her morphine for the pain and some anti-nausea medication because they don't want her to throw up (that could cause damage to the stitches). Needless to say Saturday night was bad. My dad was with her until 2 am, and her fiancee stayed the night.
I don't have a whole lot of information about what happened after that. All I know is that they had her walking about 30 or 40 feet. I haven't had an update since.
4. Baby Fever.
It's back and stronger than ever. I found a new (to me) blog yesterday called "Baby Rabies; when it's more than a fever". So true. D and I have talked about it a bit since the wedding and I totally understand where he is coming from; now is not a logical time to start to try to have a baby. But there is nothing logical about wanting a baby! I mean really, when you think about, what is logical about wanting to do that to your self??? Hey I know, lets do something that will make me sick 24/7 for at least 3 months!! and I won't even be able to take anything for it" Ya, that sounds logical! And then, I can get really fat and uncomfortable for 6 months after that with symptoms that range from sausage toes to night sweats, from cramps to contraction, and totally stretch and permanently disfigure my body. Totally "logical". And the cherry on the top of this oh-so-appetizing-sundae? You guessed it! The worst pain anyone can ever feel in their life as a baby literally rips you apart as it enters the world that lasts for hours upon hours. Logical?? My ASS!
So that has been my last month in a nut shell. How have you been?
All my love,
Erin
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