Why does everyone keep saying that???

My period finally started yesterday (well, 8:30pm on Wednesday but yesterday counts as CD1) so I was able to finally call the clinic to book my sono.  I booked that, and was told I also needed to book an ultrasound at the clinic.  They like to do them as close to CD3 as possible, but they don't do these ones on weekends so I went in this morning, CD2.  Luckily, my Dr. was working today and was able to meet with me after the scan.

I was really impressed with how things ran today.  I got to the clinic 20 mins early for my appointment and was able to get in early.  Before getting me from the waiting room, the ultrasound tech reviewed my file and talked to my Dr.  She already knew that I had been diagnosed with hydro's and was able to find them right away.

After the scan, I was taken to an exam room where I would get to meet with my Dr.  Again, she obviously had taken time to review my records and she knew she had bad news for me.

I definitely need another surgery.

She confirmed all of the information that I have already received from Dr. Google.

Leaving my hydro's in tact would lower my chances of successful IVF by as much as 50%.

So they have to come out.

This would have been really nice to know before the first surgery.  You know, when I could have given instruction on what to do!  That instruction definitely would not have been to close me up, wait 3 months to discuss it with me, then take another 3 months to book another surgery!! BUT... what is done, is done.

Second bad news, the next OR time she has is in May.

More fucking waiting!!!

"But it's only 3 more months, that's good right? At least now you have a time line. Then it's only one more month after that..."

With a LAP in May, it means the earliest we can start IVF would be June/July.  It also means that by the time we actually have any shot at getting pregnant, we will have been trying to conceive for 30 months.

"Only 3 months"... Three months from now I'm supposed to be celebrating my 32nd birthday with my toddler, not recovering from yet another surgery.

Anyway, the Dr. didn't see any point in still doing the sono since the scan clearly showed that I still have the hydro, and doing the sono with a hydro would increase the risk of infection.  So that was cancelled, as was my follow up appointment with her since we were able to make all decisions today.

We will still do our IVF training next Wednesday night and the pelvic ultrasound next weekend to check on my kidneys and after that? Hope for a surgery cancellation (I'm not holding my breath though).

Two Years Ago

Two years ago today.

Two years ago today I was naive.

Two years ago today D and I rented a romantic hotel room in Stratford for Valentines day complete with fireplace and Jacuzzi tub built for two.

Two years ago today we went for a fancy dinner, picked up chocolates, and went back to our room for a bubble bath.

Two years ago today we embarked on a journey. A journey that has taken many detours and is taking much longer than we ever thought it would. A journey we are no where close to finishing.

Two years later, and we still can’t see our destination.

Updates

I've recently started following a few new blogs and I've joined a new site about IVF. Now, by the time I'm done reading all of the updates all over the internet it's too late to post anything of my own! I know I haven't written anything about the new clinic, and that's not because of any bad news, it's only because of the lack of time.

So. New clinic...

Is great!

So far... I mean I was only there for an hour and a half... and most of that was in the waiting room. But they had free coffee!! and a fireplace! Both amazing perks in a snow storm (which there was that day). Their computers were down that morning and didn't come back until just before we left so things were running a little slow as everything had to be completed by hand.

Obviously, my records didn't arrive in time, so the new Dr. had to assume a few things and order some repeat tests. The only thing I had to bring with me was the note from Dr. M.

**Dr. F. reads the note**
Dr. F.: "But are your tubes blocked?"
Me: "I don't know, I assume so since he said our only option is OHIP covered IVF..."
Dr. F.: "But did he test them?"
Me: "Well, in June he did the saline injection test. But the results of that said my tubes were 'wide open'."
Dr. F.: "Not a dye test? Do you know if he tested them during surgery?"
Me: "No, not the dye test. I don't know if he tested them in surgery."
Dr. F.: "Did you have any blue discharge?"
Me: "Definitely not!!"
Dr. F.: "Well, I guess we don't really know how blocked they are right now."

Moral of the storey?

Almost back to square one.

Almost.

After we went over our history, she did an internal exam and then the nurse came in with a big folder of information for us. In the folder were requisitions for blood work for D and I, a requisition for a SA for D, another saline sono for me, and a pelvic ultrasound (because apparently, if you have a uterine septum, sometimes you can also have kidney issues). This was one of the things I really liked about Dr. F. Even though it won't affect my fertility, she ordered the test because it was something I should know about. How awesome is that??? An MD, a specialist even, who looks at your whole health, not just the current problem!

Anyway, we've both done our bloodwork, and my ultrasound is booked for Feb 26 and now I'm just waiting for my next period so that I can book more blookwork and the saline sono. We have also booked our IVF Training. It's a requirement at this clinic that everyone doing IVF must first attend a training night before they can start. Since it's mandatory, and it's more than likely that we will need it, and we have to wait for a month while we complete more testing, we might as well do it. The Training is on Feb 22.

Our follow up appointment is March 6... one "actual" month away; just over 1 February away!

The Infertile Bush

I recently came across this quote from Laura Bush's book Spoken From The Heart.

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

I momentarily had the urge to post this on facebook but I'm not ready to come that far "out" of the infertile closet...

Jan. 10

I am completely behind with my little project.  I took this picture on Jan 10, but haven't taken one since.  Boo me!

Absoutely livid

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my new clinic.  I was prepared today to write a post about how happy I was that I only had one more sleep left until I found out when I can start IVF. However, I've had a terrible afternoon trying to get my records from my old clinic sent to my new one.

I sent the request last Monday and followed up on Thursday when I was told Dr. M would review it on Monday. I followed up on Monday, was told that Dr. M hadn't had a chance to review it yet, but it would be ready for tomorrow.  I went to the office on Tuesday at 7am(!!!!!) to pick it up before work and the receptionist couldn't find it!!  She told me she would get it from the Mississauga office as Dr. M must have taken it with him on Monday at the end of day and she would personally deliver it to my new clinic as she lives near it.

This afternoon I received a call from a nurse at the Mississauga.  The purpose was to ask me to fill out a patient feedback form, but instead she got a earful about how I haven't had any follow up and my extreme disappointment about not having my records ready. She also let it slip that she had just requested the OR record from the hospital from my surgery - it's been 6 weeks since the surgery and they haven't even asked for the OR record yet!!! No wonder I have no idea about what happened in my surgery.

I'm no angry that by moving on from this clinic it's actually causing delays at my new clinic; which obviously moves at a much faster pace.

Grrrrrrrr.......!!!!!!!

Jan. 6

Happy Epiphany! The tree will finally come down tomorrow. Christmas is officially over  :(