It's been one of those days since since last Tuesday.
I was on vacation at the cottage with T&M and I had a FC appointment on Wednesday morning. We decided to leave the cottage on Tuesday night instead of Wednesday morning as originally planned. Let me revise that, I had originally planned to spend the whole week at the cottage but then my period came early and my FC appointments ended up smack dab in the middle of my vacation. Almost as soon as the decision to leave was made I started bawling.
The vacation to the cottage was filled with so many emotions and they all came to the surface at the same time.
It was at that moment that I realized the irony of my situation.
I should not have to cut my vacation short to go to a fertility clinic. I should have been spending the week at the place where I spent my childhood with my child. I should have a child.
I should have been up there dipping their little feet in the lake.
Playing in the park. In the sand.
Instead I was trying to convince two grown women that the water was warm enough for swimming and then being stuck with needles and violated by ultrasound wands.
Since then my emotions have been simmering just under the surface. Under my mask. A mask that's about to crack with the slightest pressure.
While I was on vacation, my work instituted an Employee Assistance Program. Good timing, I think I am going to need this very soon.
