The Infertile Bush

I recently came across this quote from Laura Bush's book Spoken From The Heart.

"The English language lacks the words 'to mourn an absence.' For the loss of a parent, grandparent, spouse, child or friend we have all manner of words and phrases, some helpful, some not. Still, we are conditioned to say something, even if it is only 'I am sorry for your loss.' But for an absence, for someone who was never there at all, we are wordless to capture that particular emptiness. For those who deeply want children and are denied them, those missing babies hover like silent, ephemeral shadows over their lives. Who can describe the feel of a tiny hand that is never held?"

I momentarily had the urge to post this on facebook but I'm not ready to come that far "out" of the infertile closet...

Jan. 10

I am completely behind with my little project.  I took this picture on Jan 10, but haven't taken one since.  Boo me!

Absoutely livid

Tomorrow is my first appointment with my new clinic.  I was prepared today to write a post about how happy I was that I only had one more sleep left until I found out when I can start IVF. However, I've had a terrible afternoon trying to get my records from my old clinic sent to my new one.

I sent the request last Monday and followed up on Thursday when I was told Dr. M would review it on Monday. I followed up on Monday, was told that Dr. M hadn't had a chance to review it yet, but it would be ready for tomorrow.  I went to the office on Tuesday at 7am(!!!!!) to pick it up before work and the receptionist couldn't find it!!  She told me she would get it from the Mississauga office as Dr. M must have taken it with him on Monday at the end of day and she would personally deliver it to my new clinic as she lives near it.

This afternoon I received a call from a nurse at the Mississauga.  The purpose was to ask me to fill out a patient feedback form, but instead she got a earful about how I haven't had any follow up and my extreme disappointment about not having my records ready. She also let it slip that she had just requested the OR record from the hospital from my surgery - it's been 6 weeks since the surgery and they haven't even asked for the OR record yet!!! No wonder I have no idea about what happened in my surgery.

I'm no angry that by moving on from this clinic it's actually causing delays at my new clinic; which obviously moves at a much faster pace.

Grrrrrrrr.......!!!!!!!

Jan. 6

Happy Epiphany! The tree will finally come down tomorrow. Christmas is officially over  :(

Jan. 5

I started a blanket today for my friend T's baby who is due in 2 months.  Jak happened to be the unfortunate model for this picture, he looks soooooo impressed right now.

Jan. 4

This is a bracelet I made for myself.  It's part of the Common Thread Project which you can read more about here: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html. I'm in love with this idea. I think I may make my self a new bracelet later using some beads I saw at Michaels that look like pomegranate seeds. Just so it's not confused with kabbalah...

Jan. 3

So day three and I'm already a day behind!  Good thing I took more than one shot the first day.  Does that count??  Probably not. Oh well, enjoy anyway...

And for today...

After spending an hour in bed with this thing on my stomach, it's pretty apropos if you ask me - even if it's not very pretty...

Jan. 1

I'm not sure I will be able to keep up with this, but one of my New Years resolutions will be to take a picture every day for all of 2012.  So far so good though!

1 down, 365 more to go...  Sure I had to decide to do this on a leap year!

This is the little rosemary plant in my herb garden.  It's the only thing left alive this time of year.  It looks like  a tiny Christmas tree.  I should have put some ornaments on it!