I started a blanket today for my friend T's baby who is due in 2 months. Jak happened to be the unfortunate model for this picture, he looks soooooo impressed right now.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
Jan. 5
I started a blanket today for my friend T's baby who is due in 2 months. Jak happened to be the unfortunate model for this picture, he looks soooooo impressed right now.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Jan. 4
This is a bracelet I made for myself. It's part of the Common Thread Project which you can read more about here: http://stirrup-queens.blogspot.com/2006/09/history-of-infertilitys-common-thread.html. I'm in love with this idea. I think I may make my self a new bracelet later using some beads I saw at Michaels that look like pomegranate seeds. Just so it's not confused with kabbalah...
Tuesday, January 3, 2012
Jan. 3
So day three and I'm already a day behind! Good thing I took more than one shot the first day. Does that count?? Probably not. Oh well, enjoy anyway...
And for today...
After spending an hour in bed with this thing on my stomach, it's pretty apropos if you ask me - even if it's not very pretty...
And for today...
After spending an hour in bed with this thing on my stomach, it's pretty apropos if you ask me - even if it's not very pretty...
Sunday, January 1, 2012
Jan. 1
I'm not sure I will be able to keep up with this, but one of my New Years resolutions will be to take a picture every day for all of 2012. So far so good though!
This is the little rosemary plant in my herb garden. It's the only thing left alive this time of year. It looks like a tiny Christmas tree. I should have put some ornaments on it!
1 down, 365 more to go... Sure I had to decide to do this on a leap year!
This is the little rosemary plant in my herb garden. It's the only thing left alive this time of year. It looks like a tiny Christmas tree. I should have put some ornaments on it!
Friday, December 23, 2011
All Wrapped Up
I only worked on Monday this week and I do not go back to work until Jan 3. In total I will have had a full 2 weeks off.
It's fantastic.
And since it's the week before christmas, I've managed to keep my self busy and have had plenty of bad, made for TV, Christmas movies to watch on TV instead of certain baby shows on TLC.
Also to pass the time I have been doing this:
Is it a little much??
It's fantastic.
And since it's the week before christmas, I've managed to keep my self busy and have had plenty of bad, made for TV, Christmas movies to watch on TV instead of certain baby shows on TLC.
Also to pass the time I have been doing this:
Is it a little much??
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The brighter side
It seems that I only write when I'm in a really bad place. Since writing helps me get things off my chesh and release some stress, I only write when I'm low. But I really need to write don the high points as well. When I look back at previous posts, it's pretty depressing... and sometimes I am depressed. But I have to have a record that it's not like that all of the time. Sometimes, like the past week, are pretty good.
I've finally found Christmas! After listening to Christmas music for the past 3-4 weeks, they finally make me happier. Except for the Christmas Shoes - that song makes me cry like a baby!!! I hate that song!
The weekend before last, December 10-11 was D's company Christmas party. I was still in a bad place mentally, and physically only so-so. However, it was really nice to finally put a face to the names and stories that he has been talking about. All of the people he works with are really nice and so are their wives. I can see us hanging out when we finally have kids (most of them already do). I was feeling alright most of the night; still a little swollen and some cramps started around 9 so we left early. I probably would have lasted longer but we were sitting on an ottoman so there was nothing to lean back on and I had to use my stomach muscles a little too much.
The next day was my family cookie exchange. It was nice, but not great. My cousin'sgirlfriend fiancee came with the baby and while I love that little girl, it was still hard to be around her. Especially when punctuated by the fact that I couldn't hold her because she weighs more than 10lbs and I couldn't lift more than that because I'd had surgery because I haven't been able to get pregnant and found out during said surgery that I will never get pregnant on my own. By this point, I was coming to the realization that I had essentially lost 2 generations of my family in one day. My grandmother and my future children. My head was not a good place to be.
After the cookie exchange, I came home to a christmas tree. I think that's where I finally found Christams. D and I had been talking earlier, and since he is pretty much a scrooge, he was saying that we shouldn't have a tree this year. I agreed. I said I didn't feel like it was Christmas this year and I didn't want to be bothered with a tree. Knowing that Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year, he knew something was seriously wrong if I didn't even want a tree. So in a last ditch attempt to cheer me up, he hauled up the Christmas tree, put it together and had it waiting, all lit up, for me to come home. He didn't decorate it, but that was part of my discovery of Christmas. A few days later the tree was decorated, and I was finally in the spirit of the season.
By the following weekend, my outlook had turned around. Even heading into the open house memorial for my grandma, I was feeling almost happy. I was even able to enjoy the day with baby J. We had a good time together, even though I had to explain many times that this was not my baby, and with comments like "it's so nice to have babies at this time of year" floating around the room. It was a nice day, despite the circumstances for the gathering.
Sunday was D's family Christmas. I had a good time there too. There wasn't a single comment about babies or anything remotely related to fertility from any of the Aunts or Cousins like I thought there might be. They must have been warned!
Hopefully this new attitude will continue through the next week and into the new year.
I've finally found Christmas! After listening to Christmas music for the past 3-4 weeks, they finally make me happier. Except for the Christmas Shoes - that song makes me cry like a baby!!! I hate that song!
The weekend before last, December 10-11 was D's company Christmas party. I was still in a bad place mentally, and physically only so-so. However, it was really nice to finally put a face to the names and stories that he has been talking about. All of the people he works with are really nice and so are their wives. I can see us hanging out when we finally have kids (most of them already do). I was feeling alright most of the night; still a little swollen and some cramps started around 9 so we left early. I probably would have lasted longer but we were sitting on an ottoman so there was nothing to lean back on and I had to use my stomach muscles a little too much.
The next day was my family cookie exchange. It was nice, but not great. My cousin's
After the cookie exchange, I came home to a christmas tree. I think that's where I finally found Christams. D and I had been talking earlier, and since he is pretty much a scrooge, he was saying that we shouldn't have a tree this year. I agreed. I said I didn't feel like it was Christmas this year and I didn't want to be bothered with a tree. Knowing that Christmas is my absolute favourite time of year, he knew something was seriously wrong if I didn't even want a tree. So in a last ditch attempt to cheer me up, he hauled up the Christmas tree, put it together and had it waiting, all lit up, for me to come home. He didn't decorate it, but that was part of my discovery of Christmas. A few days later the tree was decorated, and I was finally in the spirit of the season.
By the following weekend, my outlook had turned around. Even heading into the open house memorial for my grandma, I was feeling almost happy. I was even able to enjoy the day with baby J. We had a good time together, even though I had to explain many times that this was not my baby, and with comments like "it's so nice to have babies at this time of year" floating around the room. It was a nice day, despite the circumstances for the gathering.
Sunday was D's family Christmas. I had a good time there too. There wasn't a single comment about babies or anything remotely related to fertility from any of the Aunts or Cousins like I thought there might be. They must have been warned!
Hopefully this new attitude will continue through the next week and into the new year.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Where are you Christmas?
I've lost my Christmas spirit this year.
Last year I wrote to Santa asking him for a baby, it was the only thing I asked him for, and still... I'm childless.
I've been listening to Christmas music in the car for weeks trying to get into the spirit. Tonight I was pulling into the driveway when Faith Hill's Where are you Christmas came on and I started bawling.
IF has already stolen so much from me and now it's stealing my favourite time of year too.
Only I still can't feel Christmas. Maybe it's just late this year?
Bahhh, Humbug!
Last year I wrote to Santa asking him for a baby, it was the only thing I asked him for, and still... I'm childless.
I've been listening to Christmas music in the car for weeks trying to get into the spirit. Tonight I was pulling into the driveway when Faith Hill's Where are you Christmas came on and I started bawling.
IF has already stolen so much from me and now it's stealing my favourite time of year too.
"Where Are You Christmas"
Where are you Christmas
Why can't I find you
Why have you gone away
Where is the laughter
You used to bring me
Why can't I hear music play
My world is changing
I'm rearranging
Does that mean Christmas changes too
Where are you Christmas
Do you remember
The one you used to know
I'm not the same one
See what the time's done
Is that why you have let me go
Christmas is here
Everywhere, oh
Christmas is here
If you care, oh
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time
I feel you Christmas
I know I've found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love
Where are you Christmas
Fill your heart with love
Only I still can't feel Christmas. Maybe it's just late this year?
Bahhh, Humbug!
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