but it still hurt.
Not as much as I expected, but I still cried for close to an hour when I got home.
My very close friend T is pregnant.
I am not psychic, but I had a good feeling for her since before she started trying. I even told our friend M that I thought this would come easy for her. And it did. They were successful on their very first try.
Everyday T, M and I go for coffee at morning break. Everyday we all get a large flavoured coffee. The only exception to this rule is when they have Irish cream as the flavour, T hates that one. Then one day last week, T ordered milk. Milk on our coffee break. That was when I knew. Last week she ordered milk and yesterday she ordered yogurt. So when we went to the gym today after work, and we were packing up to go home, and she said "I have something to tell you...", I was able to finish her sentence with "you're pregnant!"
And then she told me she was sorry.
She should not feel sorry that something wonderful has happened in her life. She should feel nothing but happiness! And yet there she was, telling me she was sorry and crying about having to tell me her good news.
She has been very supportive through my journey so far and helped me through every rough patch and I love her to death. I think telling me was the hardest thing she has had to do so far. I feel terrible that her happy news made her cry as she told me. I was doing ok until she started crying! Even then, I didn't actually let one tear fall until I was out of her sight.
I told D on the weekend that I thought T was pregnant. I wanted to warn him that I would likely be upset - SO incredibly happy for her - but still sad for me and jealous. It's a very strange mix of emotions that I am trying to get a handle on. I have until tomorrow to get my happy face back on.
One spot of sunshine is that if our first medicated cycle is successful, we would be on mat leave together. That would be so awesome to go through pregnancy and mat leave together.
M is also trying to get pregnant. She has been trying off and on for about 6 mo now. There is a very real possibility that the three of us could be on mat leave at the same time. I think that just might force our boss into early retirement! He is already freaking out that we are all taking vacation at the same time... and that is only for 3 days! I just hope I'm not the last one of us to tell him... I don't want to be the one responsible for his heart attack!
Oh sweetheart. I love you so very much and I hate how hard this has been for you. I understand how hard it must be when something you want so very badly seems to come so easily for someone else (and its something out of your control like this) I KNOW that this is going to happen for you, and one day we can sit down little baby M and tell them how loved they are and that we waited what felt like forever for them to come.
ReplyDeletexoxoxo